I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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