i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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