I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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