Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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