It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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