i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
