Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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