i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
