Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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