Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
