Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
