she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
