I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize