Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
