I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
