Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Randomize
