how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There's always time for handjobs
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
