genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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