can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
