it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
