Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
