I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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