If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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