I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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