he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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