...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
