If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
