K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
