This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
