I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
