I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
