im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
