U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
