i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
