We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
