dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
