someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
