Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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