bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
