My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
