Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
