Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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