I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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