That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
