We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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