I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
