I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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