apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
