5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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