At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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