I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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