any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
