He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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