I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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