OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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