I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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