u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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