I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
