you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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