Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
