he was CRYING into my vagina
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
