I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize