I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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