Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My bed smells like the plague
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
