I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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