Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
