My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize