??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
