i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
